Spot check

Here’s a good thing about China.

Cursed as I am with somewhat oily skin, I have spent the past 20 (ok, try 25) years in a perennial quest for good skin products to help with same. In the UK, this is an extremely frustrating task. There isn’t much on the market, and what little there is tends to be found in the ‘teenage’ section of most chemists, which is not only a rather embarrassing place to be seen shopping at my age, but also means the products are cheap and, ergo, useless.

From time to time, one of the higher-end cosmetic firms brings out a product aimed at the grease-coated among us. I buy it, use it for a few months or, if I’m lucky, a couple of years, and start to think my troubles are over. And then one day I go to replace my almost-empty bottle or tube, and am told the product has been discontinued ‘due to lack of demand’. This happens every time without fail.

‘Demand?!’ I want to scream. ‘I’ll give you demand! If you’d taken the trouble to ASK, or WARN ME [they never do] that you’re about to discontinue the damn stuff, I’d have bought every bottle within a 100-mile radius! There may not be many of us, but those of us who do buy these things REALLY REALLY NEED THEM so please could you just NOT do this? Please?’ Yes you, the ex-makers of, among others, Christian Dior Ultra-Mat lotion, Clinique Turnaround for Oily Skins, and even the late lamented Body Shop Lemon Oat Facial Wash (ah, those were the days), it’s YOU I’m talking to.

So, imagine my delight when I first entered the toiletries section of a Chinese supermarket, to see aisle after aisle of products ALL for oily skins! Good ones. This was incredible! It was like I’d died and gone to acne heaven. But you know what? Most of them were by recognisable western brands, but the products themselves were unfamiliar to me. Which can only mean the bastard manufacturers are making these things purely for the Asian market.

I feel cheated! There I’ve been, chasing some holy grail of blackhead removal all over the UK for decades, when all the time Chinese women have had this stuff on tap. Clearly some market researchers have concluded that western women are ‘all’ worried about ‘dryness’ and ‘ageing’, while their Chinese counterparts’ concerns are shiny noses, blocked pores and zits. Do the Chinese have greasier skin than westerners? I can’t say I’ve noticed, but then they’ve had access to good products.

But now I’m on to them. So, while any western woman coming out here should make sure she ships out plenty of deodorant, good soap & toothpaste, disposable ladies’ razors, fake tan if you’re into that kind of thing, and above all tampons [why, China, why?], oh and I suppose products for dry skin if you do have it!, I will be shipping back, when I eventually leave, vast quantities of cleansers, toners, facial scrubs, masks, spot creams, oil-free moisturisers and matifying lotions.

And the best thing is, when I run out, I know where to go to get more.

I love you, Chinese women, every spotty, greasy one of you.