Conversations you never thought you'd have

Part 1:

Kevin: What is mean of 'bugger'? Boss say this all the time.

[Peter, after recovering from several minutes of laughter, painstakingly explains the original meaning, and then the less explicit way in which the word is used nowadays to express mild irritation.]

Kevin: Ah. But I find it very difficult to distinguish between 'a bugger' and 'a burger'.

[Peter speechless with laughter.]

Kevin: I also find it very difficult to distinguish between 'can't' and 'can't'.

Peter: What?

Kevin: 'Can't' and 'can't'.

Peter: But they're the same.

Kevin: No. Is very different. 'Can't' is 'cannot do', and 'can't' is rudest word in English language.

[Peter speechless with laughter.]

Kevin: But I don't understand. Why can I not say these words, even to you? What can be so bad about a word? Is it about powerful magic? Like spell-type words?


Makes you think, doesn't it?

Part 2:

[Wildon has just been explaining how people from the north of China are regarded as blunt, straight-talking and down-to-earth, whereas people from the south are seen as a bit more devious, and those from the southern cities look down on those from the north.]

Peter: That's exactly the same division between north and south that we have in England! Or in Scotland, between east and west.

Wildon: Ah. Chinese people like very much the north of England dancing.

Peter: What dancing?

Wildon: Dancing with wooden shoes.

Peter: Wooden shoes?

Wildon: Yes, shoes with wooden underneath. What is name?

Peter: Clogs?

Wildon: Yes! Clogs! Dancing with clogs!

Peter: You don't mean Morris dancing? Where they wave handkerchiefs?

[Wildon looks puzzled.]

Peter: Or where they hit each other with sticks?

Wildon: No. Wooden clogs. Is very popular in China. [Pause.] We also like very much the famous western singer, the King of Cats.

Peter: Who?

Kevin: The King of Cats. You must know him. He is very famous.

Wildon: He has hair like this [gestures to indicate a very large hairstyle].

Peter: The Stray Cats?

Wildon: Yes!

Peter: Are you sure? There were three of them, and they're not that famous.

Kevin: No, is one man singer.

Wildon: He is dead now.

Peter: Elvis?

[W & K both look dubious.]

Peter: I think you must mean Elvis. Haven't you ever heard the name Elvis?

[Both shake heads].

Kevin: He is called Number One of the Cats. But I will look it up on the internet and tell you tomorrow.

[Next day, Kevin walks into office.]

Kevin: I looked up the King of Cats' English name, and you were right! He is called Elvis!