Talking of arrest and deportation....

The award for utter crass bloody stupidity goes to.... Amazon - those beloved and usually harmless purveyors of books, CDs and DVDs to the millions of Brits (and probably Americans and many others) who can't face trotting down to Waterstone's or HMV during the Christmas rush to discover that their sought-after products are deemed too obscure to stock anyway. Yes, Amazon have really made one spectacular, and potentially politically dangerous, boo-boo.

Picture this, if you will. We order a batch of DVDs as Christmas presents for ourselves - innocuous TV comedies and dramas of the Frasier, Midsomer Murders and Mighty Boosh variety - to be sent here, to Peter's office. All our mail comes there and is always delivered from the UK within a week without problems. I also order a book which is to come separately, as I forgot to add it to the original order in time. After a few days we duly receive notification from Amazon that both parcels have been dispatched, and sit back and wait eagerly.

A week later, I receive another email from them, informing me that the parcel containing the book has been returned as 'undeliverable' and that I will be refunded in full. No reason is given. I check the address; all appears in order. This is very mystifying.

Until, that is, Peter arrives home later that day, bearing the second parcel (the one with the DVDs in) which was delivered that afternoon. Emblazoned in huge letters across the back of the packaging are the words, 'GUNS 'N' ROSES - CHINESE DEMOCRACY' !!

To us, and the marketing department at Amazon, clearly, this is an innocent enough advertisment for an album title.

To the Chinese government, who take a pretty dim view of anyone (particularly interfering westerners) criticising their system, this is something else entirely. Not to mention the fact that Peter had to sign for this parcel in full view of all his staff and some fairly high-level associates, several of whom could be seen to look askance at it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Chinese government: We would like to make it known that this was nothing to do with us, we had no idea that such a thing would be printed on the packaging, and it bears no relation to anything that was inside.

DEAR AMAZON: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR TINY MINDS??!!! Fancy sending a parcel with that printed on it to someone IN CHINA! At least this explains what happened to the other parcel. How this one got through I do not know, but please be very sure about one thing: IF we find that as a result of this, Peter's name is now on some list of dangerous subversives and that we get stopped at the airport, possibly denied re-entry to the country, Peter's work permit is revoked and he loses his job (not an entirely far-fetched scenario, I promise you), YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM OUR LAWYERS.

Meanwhile, as a global retailer, perhaps a little awareness of the world around you wouldn't go amiss, guys.