Fun, part 2

I haven’t said much so far about eating in restaurants in China, although it’s something we’ve done a fair bit of, so here goes. Prepare to forget everything you thought you knew from your nights down at the Sunrise Take-Away.

If you go to a restaurant in a large group, you’ll likely be shown into a private room. The tables are big and round, with a giant lazy susan in the middle so that dishes can be spun round and shared. The concept of ordering one meal per person is unknown here, and there’s no such thing as starters and main courses. You just order a number of dishes, each one of which will be either meat, or veg, or rice, etc, kind of like tapas, and then share them, with each person taking a small portion from the main plate and transferring it to their own plate, or even eating it direct from the main plate. If you’re worried about catching other people’s germs from them dipping their chopsticks into your food, tough. I gather that eating out CAN get raucous (especially if there’s a lot of ‘Ganbei!’ which the dictionary translates as ‘Cheers!’ but is really a challenge to down a drink in one) but this usually only happens in all-male company. Typical.

The whole business can be somewhat disconcerting if you’re not used to it. As is the fact that the waiters expect to discuss your food requirements with you at length, suggesting dishes which will complement those you’ve already ordered so as to achieve a ‘ying-yang’ type balance, and they therefore bring you the menu and continue to stand by you while you look at it, pen at the ready, and get very confused if you ask them to go away. The menu is usually all in Chinese but has photos – do not be fooled by these, however, as the food when it comes generally bears no resemblance to them, and anyway you could be eating duck’s head or bull’s penis for all you know, so it’s best to have an interpreter on standby! They just bring out the food in the order it’s ready, so the thing which takes longest to cook could well arrive after you’ve finished everything else. So quite how this achieves a balance is slightly beyond me.

Mostly the food is actually very tasty. Northern Chinese cuisine is quite different from the Cantonese food we’re used to in Britain – spicier, less sweet, more noodle and dumpling-based than rice, but beyond that I find it hard to summarise except to say that if you’re after Sweet & Sour Pork, Prawn Crackers or Chicken Chow Mein with Special Fried Rice you won’t find any such thing. My rule of thumb is I don’t eat it if it looks slimy. Peter is prepared to try anything except chicken’s feet. And beyond that, it’s all a voyage of discovery!

The strangest meal we’ve had was in a restaurant called ‘Triplepot’ which we went into because it had an English name. Sadly it turned out they spoke no English whatsoever and had to find a student who was eating upstairs to come and translate for us. He could not, however, prepare us for the eating experience. The table had a circular hole in it, in the base of which was a hotplate. They brought over a large pan divided into three sections, one containing water, one ordinary oil and one chilli oil, and lit the thing until all three boiled. They then brought out the food – raw – and we had to cook it ourselves by dipping it into the compartments, instructed by actions from the bemused staff.

Our favourite so far, though, is the highly entertaining ‘western style’ restaurant near our flat. They have a bizarre menu with dishes apparently plucked at random from the various cuisines of Europe, called things like ‘German-style fried potatoes’ and ‘French-style chicken with mushroom juice’. (‘This is chicken with a mushroom juice’, the menu explains in the small print, in case you weren’t clear). The food’s very nice, but everything is served in the Chinese way as described above, with the sharing and the random serving order. If you ask for water, they may bring you hot water – for what purpose I’m not sure. Oh, and you get free bread, butter and jam for pudding. The atmosphere is also curious; it’s never very busy but like everywhere in China they have hundreds of staff. The first time we went there we were the first customers of the night, and ate our dinner observed by twelve waiters and a girl pianist in thigh-high denim boots, who tinkles away at lift-music standards like ‘Love Story’ in a somewhat minimalist style while you eat and attempt to ignore the stares. It gives a whole new meaning to ‘going out for an English’!

But they try their best, bless them. They even have a feedback questionnaire which as an ex market researcher I think is so brilliant I shall quote it for you in full.

The Investigation Answer Sheet of Victoria Western Restaurant

Thank you for spending your time in filling in this answer sheet. We will according to it ameliorate our service and make you a much more happiness at Victoria.

1. Excuse me, do you usually come to a western restaurant?
· Occasionally
· Usually
· Once a month or above
2. Please tell us whether you are satisfied with the atmosphere of this western restaurant.
3. Excuse me, are you satisfied with the food of the restaurant?
4. Excuse me, are you satisfied with the price of the food?
5. Excuse me, are you satisfied with the service quality of the workers?
6. Excuse me, are you satisfied with the circumstances of the sanitation?
7. How do you know the Victoria Western Restaurant?
· The friend’s introduction
· Saw it by chance while driving
· Advertisement
· Others
8. The advice that you’d like to tell us is…..

Thank you again for the support to Victoria Western Restaurant. Wisher to have a meal pleased! Happy your life!

This feedback sheet was being done by YUMMY&LIFE magazine jointly.

I would love to fill it in, but words do occasionally fail me.